Don’t Take a Selfie (Or Get on Zoom) Without This

glossier futuredew review

Our Glossier Futuredew review: I’m so sick of seeing my own face on Zoom: Where did you come from, sad, indoor-lighting pallor? For the last month, my skin has had the “glow” of “the last pack of boneless chicken breasts left at the chicken counter at the worst grocery store.” A friend told me how to fix my Zoom settings so that I wouldn’t have to stare at myself in meetings (*confusing and depressing*), but this seemed like a way of avoiding a problem instead of addressing it head on.

Some background, before we get into the solution to this vexing problem — and our Glossier Futuredew review.

Futuredew, according to Glossier, is “a shortcut to the way your skin looks after a full skincare routine—dewy, glowing, cared-for—in one long-wearing product.” It’s an oil-serum hybrid and it feels like neither — not a slick, shiny oil nor a goopy, dry-down serum. It feels like … jam? No: Honestly, I’ve struggled to describe what it feels like to my self, but I just realized what it feels like: glue. It feels like smooshing glue into your face. (It’s slightly tacky, but which I mean incredibly tacky.) And it separates: Mine is just a couple months old, and when I reached for it, mid-Zoom call or presque, I was dismayed to see signs of the mixture separating — and because it has that strange, glue-y consistency, you can’t just shake the bottle to mix it up. You’re stuck with it.

So. So! In some ways, I don’t want this on my way. The tackiness just makes it feel like it’s clogging up my pores, in partnership, let’s say, with the wide varieties of oils in the product: jojoba, grape seed, evening primrose, and rosehip. It doesn’t feel nice! I put it on once before going to bed by accident, and I literally got back out of bed and washed it off. (Did I mention the slightly gluey consistency?)

glossier futuredew review

Here’s the thing. When Glossier says that “increased radiance was observed immediately in 100% of subjects” in a clinical trial — well, OK, if you painted my face in canola oil and then sat me out in the sun, there will be a ton of radiance: If you put something shiny (see oils, above) on someone’s face and then light that face (with sun, a lightbulb, etc.) it will absolutely be “radiant.” (Sidebar: In my opinion, this is, in Glossier world, too radiant: I don’t understand why everyone wants to walk around looking shiny. I know, I know, it’s “dewy,” but it’s not, it’s shiny, please, let’s not argue about this.) Well, I’ll tell you the exact circumstance in which I love that effect, and that is on a Zoom call. (Especially a softly lit one. Who has candles?) Also selfies! I was so obsessed with how my face looked on Zoom that I started taking selfies immediately as soon as the call was over. It was perfection. 

I am not even kidding: I actually don’t like how this looks IRL. But put it in front of a screen, and it’s amazing. My selfies were so good that I thought I’d put on the line-smoothing “portrait” setting on by accident. (And I took several series of selfies, just because I didn’t believe how good the results were, and then used the video feature, and then used a different phone.) It’s even better than my usual pre-photos go-to, Good Genes.

I would wear this to any event (or, indeed, Zoom call) where I expected to want to take pictures of my actual face. For normal, day-to-day wear, I find it too heavy.

Flash question round for our Glossier Futuredew review!

I’m wondering how to apply Futuredew? So I know the best solution is to lightly dot areas of intended highlight — along the cheekbones, etc. I generally start there and inevitably end up putting it everywhere. One pump is plenty!

Can you wear Futuredew to bed? I have, but I did not like it, and I do not recommend it. (Note I haven’t seen any adverse reactions — I just don’t like how it feels.)

So — when to use Futuredew? I love it, but only for very specific situations — basically, if a screen is going to come into play (photos, Zoom, etc.)

Buy it here.